Hysterical Things My Son Has Said in the Last 72 Hours

Kids are inherently honest, making them inherently funny.  I get it.  But lately, my son has been hysterical.  Like laugh out loud funny.  And it needed to be documented.  Here are some gems (possibly of wisdom) that my nugget has shared with us this week...


As i am looking frantically for new pants for Charlie one morning after her poop accident, and realizing that she had outgrown all her 9 month clothes seemingly overnight....
 
Ollie: What you doing Mom?
Me: Looking for pants for Charlie, none of her pants fit.
Ollie: 'Cause she has a big wiener like me??
Me: Ummmm no....

He wouldn't stop.  

Ollie:  Charlie has BIG WIENER!  BIG WIENER LIKE ME!!!!!!! YEA!!
Me:  Charlie doesn't have a wiener.
Ollie:  WIENER! WIENER!
Me:  Go tell your Dad.

This is funny for a variety of reasons.  #1, Charlie is, of course, a girl, and doesn't have a wiener.  #2, the word "wiener" is funny.  Period.  #3, I appreciate that his first thought as to why pants don't fit is that someone's genitalia is too large for them.  And #4, at the young age of three, he does not lack any self confidence about his own genitalia.

I later heard my husband explaining to him that while he, Manny, and Dad had wieners, Mom & Charlie and "girl parts".  
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After bath, I noticed that poor Charlie girl had a bit of diaper rash so I asked Ollie to go get me her diaper rash cream.  He looked down at her slightly disapprovingly (but genuinely concerned) and said this...

"Ohhhhhh... Charlie butt not working too good."
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Now that he is a little bit older, one of my favorite things is to talk to him about his day.  He makes for the best conversation partner on car rides home, and I always ask him what he did at his babysitter's house.  Most of the time he lets me know that he ate, napped, and played with his friends.  Today, however, he summed up his day like this:    

Me:  What did you do at Bri's house?
Ollie:  I fart.... and then I cry.

Let me be the first to say that his babysitter is nothing short of a saint.  She juggles 6 kids, including my 2 crazy ones, and makes sure they are all fed, changed, rested, and most importantly, happy.  She constantly does crafts and art projects with my son, taught him letters, numbers, colors, and shapes, established routines, reinforced potty training, AND makes sure he uses his manners to boot.  Today, however, his flatulence and tears were the most memorable.  In his defense, he was real tired and it had been a rough day.
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While driving to Charlie's gymnastics class Ollie gazed out the window and said, "Mom, I miss you so much and I love you so much te quiero (love you in Spanish) and look it, the sky, the trees, the cars is soooooo cute, it's my favorite."

funny AND sweet.  



So that's it.  I would like to think that his wonderful sense of humor is a reflection of how witty and charming his parents are mother is.  Or maybe he's just funny because he speaks his mind, like most 3 year olds do.  I don't really care.  Either way, can't wait for what he will say the next 72 hours, or the next 72 years for that matter.